Hello fans,
One of my new favorite commenters, S, has given me the best idea ever to aid in getting something published. She has introduced me to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. What is this, you ask? Well apparently thousands of people every year write for one month (November) one 50,000 word novel. I think this is brilliant and I plan on participating. I do not think it should be too hard to write 50,000 words in one month. Question: How many words does this blog have so far? Answer: Tons. I am a short story longer writer extraordinaire! This will be ridiculously easy. And don't worry, on November 30 I will send all of you my 50,000 word novel of wonderfulness and then quiz you on content to make sure you really read it. Who's excited.
Who is going to participate in NaNoWriMo with me? I will even host a weekend in November where we can all get together and write, at my apartment, snacks and coffee provided. Let me know by Halloween.
Monday, 30 July 2007
Rice Pudding and Thanks to all
I made rice pudding last night and then Lauren told me I need to write a fake news story about it. I told her I'd have it to her by the end of the day. I did better than that- I had it to her by the end of noon. If I worked for a fake newspaper, my fake news editor would probably give me fake employee of the month because I am so good at meeting deadlines.
You can read my fake news story in her blog (cupcakes for spite and tales of my baking glory). Just as an FYI, this fake news article is meant only for people who have a sense of humor. Click at your own risk.
Also, many thanks to everyone for their advice and compliments! As you can see I have added a new section on the left hand side of the page that makes searching for my many blog plotlines that much easier. It's called "Looking for something?"
Now you can skip the soap opera that are my posts and quickly find what you are looking for. Hope you like the new feature!
You can read my fake news story in her blog (cupcakes for spite and tales of my baking glory). Just as an FYI, this fake news article is meant only for people who have a sense of humor. Click at your own risk.
Also, many thanks to everyone for their advice and compliments! As you can see I have added a new section on the left hand side of the page that makes searching for my many blog plotlines that much easier. It's called "Looking for something?"
Now you can skip the soap opera that are my posts and quickly find what you are looking for. Hope you like the new feature!
Sunday, 29 July 2007
I do not like riding the bus (part 2)
Since a fellow who calls himself Mr. History has decided to express his opinion that there is, in fact, a mode of transportation less cool than the bus, I have been forced to post a rebuttal to his argument.
Mr. History claims that riding the bus is cooler than roller skating. His arguments are (if you missed his comment on the post):
1. Roller skating has become obsolete since the introduction of roller blades.
2. Roller skates look funny because of the toe-stop (in his comment it was referred to the thing that looked like a gum drop)
3. Buses would be infinitely cooler if they were double deckers or trams.
Here are my responses:
1. Yes, roller skates have become lesser known to the young crowd, but all of us who grew up pre-rollerblades know that roller skates are pretty gosh darn cool. They bring to mind discos and shiny things, both of which I consider not only awesome but most importantly cool. Maybe I am biased because my roommate is in Roller derby which requires the use of quad-wheeled skates, and I really think that if they switched over to roller blades the sport would become stupid.
2. The gum drop design of the toe-stop is adorable. If anything, it should make you feel like you are in Candy Land. I am pretty sure no one is uncool in Candy Land.
3. True, if all buses were double deckers then they would be cool. Same goes for trams. However, they are not. The bus I am referring to is the MBTA #80 which sucks.
In conclusion, if I roller skated to work I would be cooler than the people on the bus. Also, please refer to the video clip on the right hand side page to see the #1 reason why roller skates are cooler than the bus. If they are good enough for Miss Piggy to successfully chase down her mugger, they are good enough for me.
I'd say, if anyone wants to make an argument that any mode of transportation is less cool than the bus, probably the only one that would fly is the Mini-van. And even that's a tricky one, because although most mini-vans (aka Mom-vans) are uncool, there is the possibility of a cool mini van (consider the 1970s for examples).
Mr. History claims that riding the bus is cooler than roller skating. His arguments are (if you missed his comment on the post):
1. Roller skating has become obsolete since the introduction of roller blades.
2. Roller skates look funny because of the toe-stop (in his comment it was referred to the thing that looked like a gum drop)
3. Buses would be infinitely cooler if they were double deckers or trams.
Here are my responses:
1. Yes, roller skates have become lesser known to the young crowd, but all of us who grew up pre-rollerblades know that roller skates are pretty gosh darn cool. They bring to mind discos and shiny things, both of which I consider not only awesome but most importantly cool. Maybe I am biased because my roommate is in Roller derby which requires the use of quad-wheeled skates, and I really think that if they switched over to roller blades the sport would become stupid.
2. The gum drop design of the toe-stop is adorable. If anything, it should make you feel like you are in Candy Land. I am pretty sure no one is uncool in Candy Land.
3. True, if all buses were double deckers then they would be cool. Same goes for trams. However, they are not. The bus I am referring to is the MBTA #80 which sucks.
In conclusion, if I roller skated to work I would be cooler than the people on the bus. Also, please refer to the video clip on the right hand side page to see the #1 reason why roller skates are cooler than the bus. If they are good enough for Miss Piggy to successfully chase down her mugger, they are good enough for me.
I'd say, if anyone wants to make an argument that any mode of transportation is less cool than the bus, probably the only one that would fly is the Mini-van. And even that's a tricky one, because although most mini-vans (aka Mom-vans) are uncool, there is the possibility of a cool mini van (consider the 1970s for examples).
Saturday, 28 July 2007
The Apartment Gardener (Day 1)
One of my many brilliant book ideas was to write a handbook on how to be an apartment gardener. I mean, there are tons and tons of books out there on how to plant actual gardens for people who have acres of land or even a small patch of dirt outside their front stoop. Us city dwellers who don't have a yard or even a half a yard, we are limited to small pots that can be placed on window sills. I am lucky enough to be blessed with a front porch (really, the roof with a railing) so I might be able to expand and get really big plant pots (I am already wondering if I might be able to grow a pumpkin out there in time for Halloween), but most don't have even that option. No one tells you how to grow plants in pots successfully. Even the directions on the seed packets are always hinting at the fact that one day you will have to take your potted plants and transfer them into the ground. Thus, the idea for the apartment gardener book was formed. Albeit, without the skill or knowledge to actually write it.
So, I set out on the mission to become an apartment gardener. I am going to grow a selection of plants, and let you know how it goes. I will try to figure out which plants thrive in pots, which do not, and which require the least amount of effort to grow. Since I am the worst gardener I ever met, personally, this will be a huge challenge; I am not confident any of the plants I have decided to plant will actually grow. We shall call this Attempt One.
Today I went out and bought some yellow bean seeds, as well as two varieties of basil. I could have just kept Attempt One at only beans, but I feel as though beans are a little on the elementary side, in the sense that it is the plant you grow in elementary school- you know, in those white paper cups with your name on them so you can keep track of how fast they grow and make a bar graph of the progress. It's how teachers incorporate gardening into math. Growing beans and being proud of being able to grow a bean is kind of like blowing the seeds of a dandelion on the ground and then taking credit for the weeds that spring up between the sidewalk cracks. Thus, I got the basil. Mainly, because I like basil but also because I think it is hardy enough that I won't kill it too easily, but also because it feels like a half set up from beans.
Here is a photo of my apartment garden (in the tiki room):
I will keep you updated on the status of how these plants grow (since watching plants grow is so much fun), and keep you posted if I add any more plants to my repertoire, or if I kill any off. If you, dear reader, have any advice on easy plants for an apartment dweller to grow without a yard, please let me know.
So, I set out on the mission to become an apartment gardener. I am going to grow a selection of plants, and let you know how it goes. I will try to figure out which plants thrive in pots, which do not, and which require the least amount of effort to grow. Since I am the worst gardener I ever met, personally, this will be a huge challenge; I am not confident any of the plants I have decided to plant will actually grow. We shall call this Attempt One.
Today I went out and bought some yellow bean seeds, as well as two varieties of basil. I could have just kept Attempt One at only beans, but I feel as though beans are a little on the elementary side, in the sense that it is the plant you grow in elementary school- you know, in those white paper cups with your name on them so you can keep track of how fast they grow and make a bar graph of the progress. It's how teachers incorporate gardening into math. Growing beans and being proud of being able to grow a bean is kind of like blowing the seeds of a dandelion on the ground and then taking credit for the weeds that spring up between the sidewalk cracks. Thus, I got the basil. Mainly, because I like basil but also because I think it is hardy enough that I won't kill it too easily, but also because it feels like a half set up from beans.
Here is a photo of my apartment garden (in the tiki room):
I will keep you updated on the status of how these plants grow (since watching plants grow is so much fun), and keep you posted if I add any more plants to my repertoire, or if I kill any off. If you, dear reader, have any advice on easy plants for an apartment dweller to grow without a yard, please let me know.
Blogs of Note
As a relative newcomer to the world of blogging (aside from my brief stint as a livejournalist, that is), I stumble upon intriguing elements of this blogging site each time I come in to add a post. One such thing is this list called "Blogs of Note." I am thinking this is some sort of award that is given out daily to interesting blogs. Clearly, I want to be on this list. I tried to figure out if there were some guidelines on how to become a blog of note. There were none to be found. Since blogger doesn't want to tell me how I can make my blog get on that list by tricky manipulation of the system, I decided I would check out the blogs of note and try and find the common bond. Were they all really interesting? Do they have a lot of readers? What makes these particular blogs so noteworthy?
Some of these blogs were really good. To be honest, though, some were really not good. One such not good blog seemed to be geared towards the elderly. You know, people who are interested in reading about really really old music and westerns. I could be way off base here, but I am pretty sure people of that age are not going onto blogspot and searching for blogs about their salad days. My grandmother is probably the most web savvy person of that generation that I know, and she uses it mainly to write emails and play scrabble. I don't foresee her stumbling upon this blogging website and then saying to herself, "Hmm, let me see if I can find someone who writes about music I listened to when I was 10." However, I must be extremely incorrect, because that blog was a blog of note, and my witty and charming blog about the coolest person ever (me) is not.
Anyway, now it is one of my goals to make my blog a blog of note. I think I narrowed down two ways to get this done. One: lots of readers or two: advertisements. Since I don't want ads on my blog right now (although, I feel like people- and by people I mean advertisers and sketchy internet pop-ups- keep mentioning that ads in my blog could make me money. If this is true I want to know about it), I am going to have to try to get lots of readers. So I guess, spread the word about my blog. Tell people to leave comments. If you know other bloggers, have them read this too. I think if you link other people's blogs in your blog then that makes people like you enough to make you a blog of note. Not sure, though. It could just be a away for people to feel connected out here in the world wide web.
So, let's see if we can make this happen. I will do my part--I will try to write some more fake news articles (those seem to be a hit) and maybe post more about my list (I think I am going to start planting things soon, that should make for interesting reading indeed). I can't guarentee every future post won't be boring. But, I can guarentee that each post will be long and almost definitely pointless.
Today's word use count
Word: Blog. Also, blogger, blogging, blogspot.
Total number of times blog, blogger, blogging, or blogspot was used in this blog: 34
(Note: the word count could be totally off. It was done by counting on fingers and toes, and we all know I only have 20 of those. So any number higher than 20 ends up being a mere guess.)
(Also note: don't you like how I put "Today's word use count" as though I pick a word for every post and count it? Truth is, I have never done a word count before. I am tricky like that.)
Some of these blogs were really good. To be honest, though, some were really not good. One such not good blog seemed to be geared towards the elderly. You know, people who are interested in reading about really really old music and westerns. I could be way off base here, but I am pretty sure people of that age are not going onto blogspot and searching for blogs about their salad days. My grandmother is probably the most web savvy person of that generation that I know, and she uses it mainly to write emails and play scrabble. I don't foresee her stumbling upon this blogging website and then saying to herself, "Hmm, let me see if I can find someone who writes about music I listened to when I was 10." However, I must be extremely incorrect, because that blog was a blog of note, and my witty and charming blog about the coolest person ever (me) is not.
Anyway, now it is one of my goals to make my blog a blog of note. I think I narrowed down two ways to get this done. One: lots of readers or two: advertisements. Since I don't want ads on my blog right now (although, I feel like people- and by people I mean advertisers and sketchy internet pop-ups- keep mentioning that ads in my blog could make me money. If this is true I want to know about it), I am going to have to try to get lots of readers. So I guess, spread the word about my blog. Tell people to leave comments. If you know other bloggers, have them read this too. I think if you link other people's blogs in your blog then that makes people like you enough to make you a blog of note. Not sure, though. It could just be a away for people to feel connected out here in the world wide web.
So, let's see if we can make this happen. I will do my part--I will try to write some more fake news articles (those seem to be a hit) and maybe post more about my list (I think I am going to start planting things soon, that should make for interesting reading indeed). I can't guarentee every future post won't be boring. But, I can guarentee that each post will be long and almost definitely pointless.
Today's word use count
Word: Blog. Also, blogger, blogging, blogspot.
Total number of times blog, blogger, blogging, or blogspot was used in this blog: 34
(Note: the word count could be totally off. It was done by counting on fingers and toes, and we all know I only have 20 of those. So any number higher than 20 ends up being a mere guess.)
(Also note: don't you like how I put "Today's word use count" as though I pick a word for every post and count it? Truth is, I have never done a word count before. I am tricky like that.)
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Two posts in one night? Lucky you.
My latest fake news story. I think I have found my calling. This one goes out to LJ, because she will appreciate it the most.
The alleged "Newspaper Stand Kicker-Over-er" caught, trial held the Monday after next
Cambridge, MA- As of 3:43 AM Tuesday morning, the culprit behind the recent malicious attacks against newspaper stands has been apprehended. The Cambridge policeperson who caught the inebriated perpetrator is pretty sure that he witnessed a potential act of violence against a local newspaper stand.
"I got there just in the nick of time," stated the officer. "I was patrolling the streets of Cambridge when all of a sudden I heard a large commotion. I quickly ran to the scene of the noise, and there was a man, sprawled on the ground." According to the intoxicated fellow, he was trying to "drunk dial" a friend while simultaneously "knock that low-life, piece-of-shit newspaper stand on its ass." Unfortunately for him, he missed the newspaper stand by a good three-quarters of a foot and hit a nearby garbage receptacle instead, causing himself and the trash bucket to tumble to the ground. It was this sound of metal on pavement that caused the nearby officer to investigate.
The officer was able to get a statement from the person with whom the alleged criminal was on the phone. "He said he wanted to smack the newspaper stand silly and then there was a loud crash. This isn't the first time he has called me while in this state," the phone witness reported.
Mrs. Meowington, a local street cat was another witness to the potential crime after being thrown awake, literally, when her garbage can home was flipped on its side. After taking her statement via tape recorder, the police officer on duty took the cassette to the local Cat interpreter and it was transcribed as follows. "When I landed, all I saw was a homeless man passed out on the pavement. Then I finished off a half empty can of tuna."
Even though the man caught attempting to kick over the newspaper stand basically admitted to the crime when questioned by the police officer on the scene, many aren't sure the confession will hold up in court. First, he was under the influence, which basically means he was speaking in gibberish, in legalese. Since gibberish isn't an official language of anywhere, it can't be used in a court of law. Also, there was no record that he ever received his Miranda rights from the police officer (who, according to Mrs. Meowington, only asked in a concerned voice "What happened?" right before the man confessed).
It is still too early to tell what verdict the jury will find. The citizens of Cambridge can only hope it will be a guilty one, because as all literate people know, it is important to respect the local newspaper stands; violence upon them just shall not be tolerated in the state of Massachusetts.
For those of you who are new to fake news, go to www.theonion.com
The alleged "Newspaper Stand Kicker-Over-er" caught, trial held the Monday after next
Cambridge, MA- As of 3:43 AM Tuesday morning, the culprit behind the recent malicious attacks against newspaper stands has been apprehended. The Cambridge policeperson who caught the inebriated perpetrator is pretty sure that he witnessed a potential act of violence against a local newspaper stand.
"I got there just in the nick of time," stated the officer. "I was patrolling the streets of Cambridge when all of a sudden I heard a large commotion. I quickly ran to the scene of the noise, and there was a man, sprawled on the ground." According to the intoxicated fellow, he was trying to "drunk dial" a friend while simultaneously "knock that low-life, piece-of-shit newspaper stand on its ass." Unfortunately for him, he missed the newspaper stand by a good three-quarters of a foot and hit a nearby garbage receptacle instead, causing himself and the trash bucket to tumble to the ground. It was this sound of metal on pavement that caused the nearby officer to investigate.
The officer was able to get a statement from the person with whom the alleged criminal was on the phone. "He said he wanted to smack the newspaper stand silly and then there was a loud crash. This isn't the first time he has called me while in this state," the phone witness reported.
Mrs. Meowington, a local street cat was another witness to the potential crime after being thrown awake, literally, when her garbage can home was flipped on its side. After taking her statement via tape recorder, the police officer on duty took the cassette to the local Cat interpreter and it was transcribed as follows. "When I landed, all I saw was a homeless man passed out on the pavement. Then I finished off a half empty can of tuna."
Even though the man caught attempting to kick over the newspaper stand basically admitted to the crime when questioned by the police officer on the scene, many aren't sure the confession will hold up in court. First, he was under the influence, which basically means he was speaking in gibberish, in legalese. Since gibberish isn't an official language of anywhere, it can't be used in a court of law. Also, there was no record that he ever received his Miranda rights from the police officer (who, according to Mrs. Meowington, only asked in a concerned voice "What happened?" right before the man confessed).
It is still too early to tell what verdict the jury will find. The citizens of Cambridge can only hope it will be a guilty one, because as all literate people know, it is important to respect the local newspaper stands; violence upon them just shall not be tolerated in the state of Massachusetts.
For those of you who are new to fake news, go to www.theonion.com
Title of Teacher's Pet reclaimed!
Since I know my readers (ahem-my roommate LJ, Tim, on occassion, and my mom, apparently) are on the edge of their seats wondering about my final art class, I shall tell you (them... you...what?) that I have, in fact, reclaimed the title of Teacher's Pet. I stole it back from Ann in our last class, thank goodness. It is really hard for me to not be the favorite, and it was touch and go for a short time there. Did you really expect anything less?
In all seriousness, though, this will be the one where I pat myself on the back a little. I was really proud of my final drawing, even though it is, of course, incomplete [I was thinking maybe the incompleteness of all of my works could be my signature. Lazy me loves this idea because I could just stop when I ran out of time, got hungry, didn't feel like drawing anymore, and blame it all on my artistic vision. Flash forward to me explaining my art when I am a highly successful artist appearing in Newbury street galleries: "What, you think they appear incomplete, silly art viewers? No, no, these are not unfinished pieces. I believe that art is the manifestation of life in a visual form, and to complete a drawing would be to complete a life, meaning, death. My works are life at its fullest, yet raw, fragile, and incomplete."]
Moving on, here is the drawing in full incomplete glory (the other drawings I posted I was able to crop so that they appeared complete, but this one was drawn in such a way I couldn't do that. Oh well. The truth is out):
Here is one of my favorite sections-- the pink flower in the center. When drawing this part, I actually started to think in a different way. Now I have forgotten what the method behind my madness was, but if I remember it one day I believe I could be quite talented.
The last detail of this final drawing: the white flowers up in the corner. I think I love these because when I used to draw in high school I would obsess over white spaces and maintaining the purity of the white. This is the exact opposite of obsession, because I didn't have to worry about maintaining the white space. I threw grey in there with abandon. Pink! Blue even. Who knew white was so colorful? (Well, aside from the fact that white is the combination of all of the colors, as I learned in physics. I know, I know, I am a nerd. I can't help it sometimes.)
Since my mom sneakily lifted my blog's website off of my instant messenger profile, read it, and then admitted what she had done, this post goes out to her. Marmie, I wouldn't have you any other way. (I can't make it too easy for you, you know. Where would be the fun in telling you I had a blog and giving you the address? Where would the challenge be in that?)
In all seriousness, though, this will be the one where I pat myself on the back a little. I was really proud of my final drawing, even though it is, of course, incomplete [I was thinking maybe the incompleteness of all of my works could be my signature. Lazy me loves this idea because I could just stop when I ran out of time, got hungry, didn't feel like drawing anymore, and blame it all on my artistic vision. Flash forward to me explaining my art when I am a highly successful artist appearing in Newbury street galleries: "What, you think they appear incomplete, silly art viewers? No, no, these are not unfinished pieces. I believe that art is the manifestation of life in a visual form, and to complete a drawing would be to complete a life, meaning, death. My works are life at its fullest, yet raw, fragile, and incomplete."]
Moving on, here is the drawing in full incomplete glory (the other drawings I posted I was able to crop so that they appeared complete, but this one was drawn in such a way I couldn't do that. Oh well. The truth is out):
Here is one of my favorite sections-- the pink flower in the center. When drawing this part, I actually started to think in a different way. Now I have forgotten what the method behind my madness was, but if I remember it one day I believe I could be quite talented.
The last detail of this final drawing: the white flowers up in the corner. I think I love these because when I used to draw in high school I would obsess over white spaces and maintaining the purity of the white. This is the exact opposite of obsession, because I didn't have to worry about maintaining the white space. I threw grey in there with abandon. Pink! Blue even. Who knew white was so colorful? (Well, aside from the fact that white is the combination of all of the colors, as I learned in physics. I know, I know, I am a nerd. I can't help it sometimes.)
Since my mom sneakily lifted my blog's website off of my instant messenger profile, read it, and then admitted what she had done, this post goes out to her. Marmie, I wouldn't have you any other way. (I can't make it too easy for you, you know. Where would be the fun in telling you I had a blog and giving you the address? Where would the challenge be in that?)
Monday, 23 July 2007
The Onion
Even though I shouldn't be bored at work because I have about a million things to get done this week, I have started reading the Onion, aka my favorite online fake news source. Unfortunately for me, I am a fast reader and run out of Onion to read pretty quickly, so unfortunately for you I have started writing my own fake news in my head to pass the time which will now be transcribed on this post. Dum dum dum:
Elevator phenomenon occurs at EF Education
Cambridge, MA- At promptly 5:30 PM daily at One Education Street, a miracle happens: the three, typically out-of-order elevators are suddenly able to hold hundreds of people at one time. Normally, the jerry-built elevators of the EF building have a limit of 10 people or 1870 lbs, but for some reason when the clock strikes the end of the day, more and more people can pack into the elevators at every floor.
"It's odd," says one Customer Service Staff member whose desk is located on floor nine, "In order to get a spot in the elevator previously to this phenomenon we'd all have to go up one level to floor ten, just to ride it down to ground. Now, when the elevator comes down from 10 to 9, there seems to be an infinite amount of space available, irregardless to the fact that it should have exceeded its capacity by that point."
Even the 10th floor elevator hogs are shocked by this inexplicable event that keeps repeating itself day by day. "We used to enjoy laughing at the HULT kids with their big hair and funny clothes when they failed to get a spot on the elevator by the time it hit floor 5. Now, however, the international business students can easily fit. All of a sudden, the floor ten staffers are the odd ones out as conversations start up in seven different languages."
Everyone has a different theory as to why this is happening. Some say that it is due to the fact that the space and time continuum stops between 5:30 and 5:40 PM, thus defying all logic and reality. Others believe it is because so many are out on summer vacation, have quit, or have moved to Denver. Still more believe it is because EF has opened a branch of Weight Watchers in the building and the success of the program has resulted in smaller people. The last theory, however, has been shot down by one HULT student who accidentally signed up for his MBA thinking it would give him a degree in advanced arithmetic. He retorted, "The claim that EF staff members are suddenly smaller just doesn't make sense. If the weight limit of the elevator is 1870 lbs, that means if 100 people were to fit then average weight would be 18.7 lbs, which is a ridiculous number for a full grown person."
Although it appears there is no explanation to this phenomenom, it is indeed true. Both of the front desk security regulators who are on duty at 5:30 PM, Henry and the grumpy old white haired man, have individually and seperately reported "an uncountable number of people" streaming out of those elevator doors when it hits the ground. Even Front Desk Girl admitted that she couldn't "count as high as the number of EF staffers" that can fit in one elevator on a weekday evening.
This phenomenon, however, only works in one direction- on the way down. Between 9 and 9:30 AM, the maximum number of EF staff that can fit in an elevator going up is about 5 people, or a weight limit of 678 lbs.
Elevator phenomenon occurs at EF Education
Cambridge, MA- At promptly 5:30 PM daily at One Education Street, a miracle happens: the three, typically out-of-order elevators are suddenly able to hold hundreds of people at one time. Normally, the jerry-built elevators of the EF building have a limit of 10 people or 1870 lbs, but for some reason when the clock strikes the end of the day, more and more people can pack into the elevators at every floor.
"It's odd," says one Customer Service Staff member whose desk is located on floor nine, "In order to get a spot in the elevator previously to this phenomenon we'd all have to go up one level to floor ten, just to ride it down to ground. Now, when the elevator comes down from 10 to 9, there seems to be an infinite amount of space available, irregardless to the fact that it should have exceeded its capacity by that point."
Even the 10th floor elevator hogs are shocked by this inexplicable event that keeps repeating itself day by day. "We used to enjoy laughing at the HULT kids with their big hair and funny clothes when they failed to get a spot on the elevator by the time it hit floor 5. Now, however, the international business students can easily fit. All of a sudden, the floor ten staffers are the odd ones out as conversations start up in seven different languages."
Everyone has a different theory as to why this is happening. Some say that it is due to the fact that the space and time continuum stops between 5:30 and 5:40 PM, thus defying all logic and reality. Others believe it is because so many are out on summer vacation, have quit, or have moved to Denver. Still more believe it is because EF has opened a branch of Weight Watchers in the building and the success of the program has resulted in smaller people. The last theory, however, has been shot down by one HULT student who accidentally signed up for his MBA thinking it would give him a degree in advanced arithmetic. He retorted, "The claim that EF staff members are suddenly smaller just doesn't make sense. If the weight limit of the elevator is 1870 lbs, that means if 100 people were to fit then average weight would be 18.7 lbs, which is a ridiculous number for a full grown person."
Although it appears there is no explanation to this phenomenom, it is indeed true. Both of the front desk security regulators who are on duty at 5:30 PM, Henry and the grumpy old white haired man, have individually and seperately reported "an uncountable number of people" streaming out of those elevator doors when it hits the ground. Even Front Desk Girl admitted that she couldn't "count as high as the number of EF staffers" that can fit in one elevator on a weekday evening.
This phenomenon, however, only works in one direction- on the way down. Between 9 and 9:30 AM, the maximum number of EF staff that can fit in an elevator going up is about 5 people, or a weight limit of 678 lbs.
Saturday, 21 July 2007
Color Me Wonderful Part Deux
When I started taking this class, believe me, I was skeptical about this woman's philosophy on how to draw. I mean, draw from the inside out? Come on. Not to mention, we started each class laying on the ground. Yes, that is right. We had to lay on the ground to get inspired. Most times I fell asleep, daydreamed, or momentarily forgot I was in a class. Needless to say, I thought the whole thing was a little cheesy. I still do, to be honest. But, one thing I did learn: oil pastels don't suck. I actually kind of like them and I will tell you why. For all of you who know me, I have a little bit of a split personality. I can go with the flow and I can be kind of flaky and all that, but then there is this other side of me that is extremely OCD. At work I need to have everything organized and when I draw I like things to be perfect (which is why I normally stick to pencil). Oil pastels don't allow for perfection. So I quickly learned that when things don't turn out like you want them to, just go with the flow. So, that's what I learned from art class, kids. Go with the flow. Here is my art class in review:
Look at the beautiful colors! (See the first post about this art class to really understand what this image means).
My first attempt at drawing a still life (I call this "Dead Flowers"). This is actually one of my favorite incomplete drawings that I did. I really wish I had time to finish it. I sit next to this women Ann who is my archnemesis. She is done with her entire drawing before I even finish a flower. I am not even kidding.
Green on Green (This is when I really mastered the "Draw the foreground and the background at the same time" technique, which is why it doesn't look like anything in particular. My teacher loved it though, because the colors were just so "vibrant." It was after I almost completed this drawing that I retook my status of teacher's pet over Ann Speedy Fingers.)
An apple. (I spent 45 minutes drawing this apple. After the 20 minute warm up laying in the grass, the 15 minute schpeel on how some things are lighter than others (really? you don't say), and the 10 minute break after 45 minutes of drawing, you can see why I might not have finished the rest of the drawing in only 30 minutes. My teacher couldn't. She said, "You start out so beautifully, and then.... the rest just looks incomplete." Talk about stating the obvious.)
I am not sure what the last class will hold. I am not sure if my teacher is sure what the last class will hold. When we left last Tuesday she was muttering quietly to herself: "I know what we will do next class. Yes! I know just the thing." When we asked if we had any homework (as if), she said, "Oh no. Just bring yourselves. And your things. And your artistic spirit. That will do the trick." Hopefully I can find my artistic spirit before Tues and I will be all set.
Look at the beautiful colors! (See the first post about this art class to really understand what this image means).
My first attempt at drawing a still life (I call this "Dead Flowers"). This is actually one of my favorite incomplete drawings that I did. I really wish I had time to finish it. I sit next to this women Ann who is my archnemesis. She is done with her entire drawing before I even finish a flower. I am not even kidding.
Green on Green (This is when I really mastered the "Draw the foreground and the background at the same time" technique, which is why it doesn't look like anything in particular. My teacher loved it though, because the colors were just so "vibrant." It was after I almost completed this drawing that I retook my status of teacher's pet over Ann Speedy Fingers.)
An apple. (I spent 45 minutes drawing this apple. After the 20 minute warm up laying in the grass, the 15 minute schpeel on how some things are lighter than others (really? you don't say), and the 10 minute break after 45 minutes of drawing, you can see why I might not have finished the rest of the drawing in only 30 minutes. My teacher couldn't. She said, "You start out so beautifully, and then.... the rest just looks incomplete." Talk about stating the obvious.)
I am not sure what the last class will hold. I am not sure if my teacher is sure what the last class will hold. When we left last Tuesday she was muttering quietly to herself: "I know what we will do next class. Yes! I know just the thing." When we asked if we had any homework (as if), she said, "Oh no. Just bring yourselves. And your things. And your artistic spirit. That will do the trick." Hopefully I can find my artistic spirit before Tues and I will be all set.
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