Cargo pants are for suckers

Okay, please don't take offense to that statement, you cargo pant wearers and lovers. I myself have been known to wear cargo things every once and a while, and there is something to be said about someone who can pull off cargos and heels. However, when you think about cargo pants and witness them in action, you start to realize how ridiculous they are.

While waiting for the bus (the time of day when everything amazing happens), I saw a young man running. The only reason I even noticed him at all was because he was wearing cargos and converse, a fairly typical combination in SoVi. What was funny is that his pockets were packed so chock full of stuff that he ran the full pockets bounced in the wind. It looked pretty uncomfortable. [I am pretty sure one pocket was full of quarters. I'd say he was on his way to the laundromat, but he didn't have any laundry. If he ran fast enough and long enough, the tension of the quarters against the khaki material would rip the seams and loose change would rain from the sky. It would be how I'd imagine winning the lottery would feel like. Except with hard painful quarters that pelt your face and end up adding to a total of $37 instead of millions of hundred dollar bills.]

Thus, it was realized that cargo pants are silly. They have these giant pockets , but can you really use them to their full potential? No. I've seen cargos that have pockets that could hold a small pair of shoes, but that would be ridiculous however handy it may seem. I would love to throw my spare pair of flats in my pocket, but then I would have a pair of shoes in my pocket.

Also, the location of the pockets are generally pretty awkward. The pockets are down on your ankle- maybe if you are lucky, closer to the knee or thigh- but you can't reach into them easily. So sure, you can stow your cell phone down in your ankle pocket, but try and reach that quickly if it rings.

Don't get me wrong- I love miscellaneous useless pockets on my clothing. In fact, I buy clothing that have pockets that go unused the same way I buy shirts that have hoods that I never wear. But, if you are a person who thinks you are buying cargo pants for the purpose of being able to carry around all sorts of things [including but not limited to: keys, phones, travel scrabble, flip flops, candy canes, cigarettes, altoids, kleenex, garden gnomes, nail files, and bottles of beers] in your pockets, then, you are a sucker, my friend. Don't say I didn't warn you.