Rejecting Rejection

So, it's been only a couple of days since I actively started the job search. I've applied to 10 open positions thus far. Two of those have already rejected me. Over email. Without giving me the courtesy of an interview. This makes me feel really positive and motivated... and spiteful.

Here is the first rejection email I got:

Jennifer,
Thanks for sending your resume our way. While we've opted to interview other candidates for this position, we do sincerely thank you for your interest and wish you success in your job search. We will keep your resume on file, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send us an email.
Recruiting Department

A few comments:

• Are you really sincerely thankful that I sent you my resume?
• Who are these other candidates, and what makes them better than me?
• And, I've heard the "we will keep your resume on file" before and I am pretty sure it means "we've permanently deleted your resume from our inbox and have shredded any hard copies we may or may not have printed."

So... I fought back. And by "fought" I mean I wrote a sassy little response. They said to contact them with questions-- I did not hesitate:

Hi,

Thank you for keeping me in the loop (and so quickly) on the status of my application.

I realize my cover letter probably lacked the necessary punch that would be required of someone to work at your organization, but if you have any other constructive feedback about my application and had a moment, would it be possible to send it along?

I am new to the job search after working at the same company for 4+ years, and, quite frankly, can use all of the help I can get.

Also, if you change your mind about the interview, I am still available and I don't think you'd be disappointed. I realize my background in Art/Art History and my experience in Educational Travel doesn't directly correlate to Healthcare Software, but I am still confident I could make it work for the Sales Coordinator position.

Best,

Jennifer

The second rejection letter went like this:

Dear Jennifer,

Thank you for your interest in the Administrator role in our American Paintings department.

After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that you have not been successful on this occasion. We will keep your application on file should an opportunity arise that fits your skills and experience. Also please keep an eye on our website as we post all of our new opportunities there.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time and wish you every success in your future career.

Kind Regards
Christie’s HR


My thoughts:

• I've seen this rejection letter before. It comes across as nice, but it really means... we didn't even read your resume because we got 1.5 million responses and our boss's daughter's best friend's cousin applied so she got it. She just graduated from NYU and has a nose ring.
• "You have not been successful on this occasion": Please, could you describe my unsuccessfulness a little bit more thoroughly. I am not sure how to be successful when I was forced to upload and edit my resume in your online application system and write my cover letter in a text box.
• They will also keep my application on file. How sweet of them.
• I do appreciate them taking the time to thank me for my time and wish me success. I mean, not everyone realizes how much time and energy it takes to apply for these jobs! If only I could be more successful at it.

Unfortunately, that little gem of a rejection email came from a Do Not Reply email address, so I couldn't send a response.

Until next time....

EF that-- The world is now my oyster!

I found out I am being laid off. After a month of my company hemming and hawing about whether or not I fit in the new structure, they finally made the decision that I did not (never had, really) and are terminating my employment at the end of July. I don't know whether to be grateful that I get an extra paycheck because they are 'letting me stay on' through the end of the month or annoyed because clearly I am just being used for my exemplary training skills and prowess of knowledge. I have decided not to think about it (too much) and instead end my career at the company (that doubles as a fraternity/sorority/NYC Prep School/insert applicable analogy about clique-y places here) with class and grace and not as much spite as I would typically like to employ.

In the meantime, I am going to do a countdown of sorts by writing in this blog (in between cover letters) as I scramble to find something new by mid- August so I can be the only person turning a profit in this poor economy.

Since I saw this coming, I have been doing some soul searching for the past month or so, or maybe since forever but we'll pretend it is something that only started recently for this post's sake. For most, this would be a good thing. But, as an overanalytical, overachieving, and an increasingly oversensitive late-20s female.... the type of soul searching I do typically starts with beers and ends in tears. I become so incapacitated by the fear of moving forward, that I just lay on my couch and catch up on HBO series like True Blood and Entourage, since I know I will never find another job and will be forced to cancel cable at the end of the month in order to save a buck. Sigh.

In between panic attacks, phone calls from friends, cocktails and FoodTV marathons, I did come up with some semblance of a plan. Since I am getting a fair severance, I realized I had til end of September to find a job where I make the same amount of money as I do now. And if I find a job sooner than that, I can take a paycut and still break even at the end of the year. It's simple math. Thus, I have the very strategic plan of applying to (1) anything and (b) everything in the hopes I get at least a few offers to think about (read: accept immediately in desperation).

And, although I would love to find 'the perfect job,' I realize that is just as likely as finding a boyfriend in Boston (for those of you not familiar with the area or my previous posts on the subject, that would be like finding a unicorn in a desert), so I am perfectly okay with taking a job that I can check in at 9 and check out at 5 and then do all of the other stuff I want with my life on the side (like becoming a freelance writer and upcycled clothing refurbisher).

If anyone has any suggestions for me in regards to my future as an employed individual, please drop me a line in the form of a comment (I am willing to relocate). And check in for updates, as I am positive they will get funnier. Or, at least more bitterly sarcastic as the days continue.