Je deteste raisins in baked goods...

...and it turns out I am not the only one! This wins the award of best t-shirt design of the day, as found on Threadless and brought to my attention by LJ.I don't want you guys to think I am a raisin hater, though. I really like raisins actually. I just don't like when the invade baked goods like cookies, muffins, and cakes. The only bits that should be in those sugar confections are things that come in the form of morsels like chocolate, peanut butter, butterscotch and other candy related items. There is no need to add the raisin or even craisin with their weird texture. Whenever a raisin surprises me in a baked good my first thought is that maybe a fly fell in the batter. Then, after the examination of the chewy bit of brown mush reveals it to be a raisin, I am generally just as disturbed by my findings as I would have been if it had been a fly. It's especially upsetting if it is a cookie and you see the dark brown specks and assume they are chocolate chips only to be sorely disappointed by the fact they are raisins.

Furthermore, why do some people insist on adding raisins to oatmeal? Not too long ago I was at Johnny D's and I made the terrible mistake of starting with oatmeal instead of cheesy grits. Had I known the oatmeal would come with raisins floating in it like drowning beetles I would have requested they be removed. There is something about the gooey goodness of oatmeal that should be left pure, with only the addition of brown sugar, maple syrup, and on the rare occassion fresh fruit to enhance the oaty flavor.

I know, I know, some of you are texture-philes and like the chewy dried grapes added to your baked goods and oatmeal and maybe even your chicken salad (gross!) but I for one would prefer they be left to be eaten from those tiny boxes as an after school snack.P.S. If I could meet one person who was alive, dead, or animated, it would be the Sunmaid herself. I'd love to be able to explain to her my views on raisins, and convince her to help me in my fight against raisins in baked goods. I am sure she'd agree that raisins are best enjoyed straight from the box as they are a healthy and delicious snack for kids. Also, I'd love to spend time in her magical vineyard and watch how the sparkling sun dries the grapes and transforms them into raisins. How interesting it would be to learn about the process from the Sunmaid herself! Her fabulous personality as well as her knowledge on organic raisin making makes her my favorite of all of the animated food characters.

Everyone is Average (Except for me- and Brooke!)

My new roommate Brooke and I were having a very philosophical discussion the other day about our number one favorite subject- our height, or rather our lack thereof (Brooke is also freakishly short like me, although supposedly she is a little taller, but marginally so). We swapped life stories that were surprisingly similar, and thus this post was born. I realized since I had a lot of common misconceptions about people who are taller than me, you taller than me people might have some misconceptions about me. This should clear things up for you.

I'm short, and I like it.
Okay, so I like to complain about my height when I can't find the perfect pair of jeans (they don't exist) or when the world seems to be made for average/tall people. But, despite the fact that bartenders might not notice me right away as I peer over the top of the bar hoping for a beer, I have to admit, being short is better than being average. Here's why: I get to be adorable. I am not the prettiest girl in the world, but I always win on cuteness when in a crowd of people who are taller than me. Plus, I am not so painfully short it is awkward, I am like, stick me in your back pocket goddamn adorable. Once when I used to be a field hockey star one of my co-players said, "you are like a christmas cookie." I am not sure what that means exactly, but I think it means I am like a gingerbread girl, which I take as compliment. I mean, if people are going to be throwing around nicknames and metaphors, I'd certainly rather Little Bite-sized Jenn than Tall Freak of a Giraffe Girl. Yeah that's right, I said it.

I want you to help me reach things off of high shelves.
Sometimes when I am climbing up the shelves in the grocery store trying to get that last box of corn muffin mix, I am secretly hoping that some tall person will help me. Just because I seem like an independent person because I have single handedly constructed a ladder out of canned tomatoes and coffee tins doesn't mean I don't need your help. Also, sometimes it doesn't even occur to me that there is someone out there who can help me. I think it was sophomore year of college when I realized that most people could easily reach the top of the wardrobe. Liz, if I recall, used to store items up there, snacks even. If I needed anything from the top of the wardrobe I would have to stand on my desk on my tippy toes to reach. The day I saw Liz casually reach up to grab a box of cereal without even exerting the slightest bit of energy, I was flabbergasted. I realized then and there that Liz could help me and have since been using her to reach tall things for me. I also use my sister Stacey for this same purpose. She is only 4 inches taller than me but she has monkey arms. Seriously.

I have no idea how tall you are.
Everyone taller than me is considered average. Even if you are only 5'2". If you are 5'2" and you are complaining to me about being short, then you need to remember I am 4 inches shorter. The only time you are not considered average in my brain is if you are freakishly tall. Then you are freakishly tall.

Since I am short, I deserve the size small t-shirt.
Remember how in school sometimes for field day or sports teams you got free t-shirts to wear? Well, guess who always got stuck with the ridiculously oversized ones? That would be me. After years and years of suffering with giant shirts, now the least you could do is offer me the small free t-shirt. My The Best Girls Root For Boston t-shirt was earned for free in a bar, and the promotional guy who was handing them out originally gave me a size large and then looked at me and said, "Oh no, hold on" and dug around for a small. We became instant best friends after that. That's all it takes to win my heart. It is my number 1 pet peeve when girls who are 5'10" take the size smalls because their supermodel bodies require them. No girls, you don't need a small as much as me. I might not be as skinny as you, but a size large on me is far more ridiculous than on you. I could add a belt to a size large and call it a dress and no one would be the wiser.

If you are average, I hope this cleared things up for you. I will try as well to be considerate of the fact that you are average as long as you help me reach high things and promise to trade shirts if I get stuck with a large.

To-Do List Updates (part 2, I think)

I've been away for a week, and I think it is time for some updating. Also, I am adding a goal (number 9).

Number 1: Learn to surf. This past week I was on the Cape and happened to visit the "Secret Surf Break of 2007" daily. Not because I was learning to surf, but because it was the only beach my family could get into. And I think we all know that it wasn't actually a prime surfing spot because (a) this is Cape Cod we are talking about here and (b) the only surfing that was being done was people doing nosedives into rocks. Needless to say, I haven't learned to surf yet. Still holding out for Costa Rica. I actually am surprised I haven't gone to Costa Rica yet. I think it is on the list of free trips I have earned through work come next summer. However, do I really want to wait until Summer 2008 to go to Costa Rica? Plus, isn't that the rainy season? Plus, there are many reasons why I shouldn't count on work to send me for free.

Number 2: I'd say I am well on my way to completing this one. Granted, I haven't actually seen a bean, and as Diane says I need to thin out my little seedlings to make those work, but I think we can all say that I did grow something before killing it. I love being vague on my to-do list. Eureka--this one is done!( P.S. I bought a new watering can that is going to be the cover of my new book "The Apartment Gardener." If you can't see the picture today, check again tomorrow. I may not have posted it yet.)

Number 3: Music music music. One time I tried to get my Dad to teach me how to play the guitar. It hurt my fingers and did I mention I am not the musical one in the family? I blamed my lack of skill on the strings being too difficult for a beginner. I think the lessons lasted a period of one day before I quit. Although I have not signed up for electric guitar lessons as of this moment, I think the second time is a charm. Wait, years and years of catch phrases and sayings just caught up to me and is informing me that the third time is a charm. Who came up with that and why? You know it must have been some over-achieving kid's parents who thought this one up. Their kid was about to throw a temper tantrum because he failed twice at something (I am too tired to really think of something clever here) and then they said, "you know honey, try again, third times a charm." And that time, boy, he was successful. I certainly hope so anyway. You can only mess up so many times before you're an idiot for not getting it right. Okay, so here's a call for drummers and electric guitar players. Share your secrets with me and I will make you several batches of my world famous banana chocolate chip muffins. I'm not kidding. Surely your time is worth several muffins, eh?

Number 4: Learn to draw again. Yes, I have relearned drawing, so I'd like to cross this off my list. However, I am going to kick this goal up a notch and make it-- keep drawing. Just keep on drawing. I am the queen of forgetting what makes me happy and taking that drawing class reminded me that I love drawing. So, I am going to stop collecting art supplies and letting them sit in my closet. Instead, I am going to fill up all of the empty sketchbooks, set up my gorgeous french easel, and let the creative juices flow once and for all. Brilliant. Just thinking about it makes me tired, so as soon as I finish this post I think I will take a nap.

Number 5: Okay, so I know on my initial update of the List, I said I was really close to this goal. I have to admit I fell off the wagon. A situation presented itself and I really needed some shoes. I can't say exactly what this situation was because it may or may not have to do with the fact that I am an undercover spy and I had a top secret mission where it was absolutely neccessary to have a new pair of beautiful Italian heels. To see them would be to fall in love with them. Really, I know I don't need to justify myself here because this is my shoe problem and not yours, but my other black shoes broke, and they needed to be replaced. Immediately. So, that was a couple of weeks ago. By the end of this month I should be allowed a new pair of shoes without breaking the one month rule. (Thank goodness, because fall shoes could possibly be my favorite.)

Number 6: Sugar art. LJ says we have a candy thermometer. I say, excellent. Then I remembered, melted sugar is scorching hot. I need some silicone gloves for protetction. I've been on the lookout, but something tells me you won't find those in your neighborhood Williams Sonoma. Have you ever had that unfounded feeling you will be good at something? Well, every since I realized I was a paper sculpting genius in 5th period study hall senior year of high school, I have known I was meant to put my 3D art skills to better use. Sugar show pieces are my calling. I am sure of it.

Number 7: I haven't written anything other than this blog lately. I am contemplating taking a humor writing class to get started. I don't really find myself funny, but my mom thinks I am hysterical.

[Sidenote: I have started writing a work of literary fiction in my head.. What I hope to happen (and this could be wishful thinking) is to write Novel A in my head in its entirety, then take a long weekend to type it up as a readable manuscript, then, send it off to the publishers. Who the heck these people are I have no idea, but details details. Then, once everyone loves it because surely they will- it's genius- I am going to send the completed book off to my Jr year English teacher and say, 'Hey, guess what, I wrote this in one draft over the course of one weekend and NOBODY peer edited it for me. What have you gotten published lately?' Did I mention I still have rage against my HS English teacher? Yup, I won't lie that getting something published is basically to spite him.]

Number 8: I think I am the world's worst running trainee. (1) I have hardly ran at all this summer; instead have been enjoying the elliptical machines in the cool, air conditioned confines of Healthworks. (2) After finally biting the bullet and running outside at the Cape, I realized there is no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I am going to be able to pull off a 5k in thirty minutes anytime soon unless I really start trying. I could barely finish 1.3 miles in 15 minutes. Even though I am not as good at math as Stacey, I am pretty sure if I can't do the FIRST 1.3 miles in 15 minutes then I won't be able to do the second 1.8 miles in 15 minutes. (3) Did I mention I hate running? I do. I really really do.

Number 9: Sell items of my own making. Okay, so almost my whole life I have been a crafty person. However, I have not really been able to use these powers for good, yet. I have been hoarding them actually and no one has been able to benefit from my craftiness. I found a website that sells works of artisans all of the country (maybe world) and I am going to make some items to sell on there. Once that takes off, I can quit my day job and focus on the To-Do List. Once I have some of my wares online I will share the website with all of you. (I don't recommend holding your beath, if this item goes as well as the previous 8, it could take a while for this to be a reality).

Okay-- so in a nutshell-- items left to complete--- all of them (although I do give myself props for not killing the plants yet). I am so good at this making a list and getting it done, it is not even funny. No, really, it's not.

The Car Search (Part 1)

So recently, I have decided I want a car. I know nothing will ever replace Mini-Me, but I think it is time for me to move on with my life and join the ranks of those who drive.

[Did you know I hate the bus? Today I took a bus from Eastham to Hyannis. Then another bus from Hyannis to Boston. Did I mention that we had to get off route 6 at every town to do a loop in empty parking lots to pick up people who weren't there and then merge back into the traffic? Also, once I arrived in Boston, I then had to take the T and then another bus-- okay the second bus was by choice and because I didn't feel like walking the 7.5 minutes to my apartment from the T-stop, but still. It was a lot of transportation for one day. And it took over 4 hours in total. If I had a car I would have been home in half the time, no walking required.]

Now, I do have a few specifications of what I am looking for and although some may call me picky and even finicky, the truth is I am actually no more than just a little particular. Here is what I want in a car- if you have any leads on cars that meet the following requirements, please do let me know.

Requirement 1: Old. I do not want a new car. I know this sounds silly, but I have never felt comfortable driving a new car unless it is a Mini Cooper. Since I cannot afford a Mini Cooper, why settle for a new non-Mini Cooper? Instead, I'd rather a car that is well in its years. I think the newest car I'd like is a 2000. I have always felt the year 00 is a good year for cars. Maybe it is because of all the hype in general about that year that makes me feel that way, but anyway, that's as young as I'd like. I'm also a bit of a daredevil, so I like to feel as though I am about to die while driving. Gives me that rush, you know.

Requirement 2: I like 2 doors. I also like Hatchbacks. I live in a city. This means, I don't want a large boat of a car. The only large vehicle I'd ever consider driving is a VW bus or an old camper. Only because that would be highly impractical for a city girl such as myself and thus hysterical. I never said my reasons for wanting what I want is logical.

Requirement 3: Cheap. I do not make gobs of money at my job. I also do not need to drive this car every day. It seems silly for me to spend a lot of money on a car that I won't use daily, and I also hate monthly payments. I know this is probably low, but I really would only like to spend about $3000 on this car. (I found this 2002 Mini Cooper online for only $2900. Unfortunately it was a total scam. Fortunately, I am smart enough to figure that out before wiring off my savings to some man in Idaho-- or was it Iowa?)

Preference 1: Standard transmission. I know I will probably kick myself if I actually get a standard car and then keep getting stuck in traffic. However, that one summer when I drove stick I really enjoyed it. I tend to get bored in a car. And if I am getting a car that is old and cheap, I can't count on having a stereo system. Driving standard will give me something to do if I am forced to ride in silence.

Preference 2: Colors I like in cars, in order-- any green besides hunter green, red, dark gray or black, lemon yellow, orange, brown, blue.

Prefernce 3: I like VW Cabrios and Cabriolets. I like Saab 900 series hatchbacks. I like 2 door Nissans. I like other VWs as long as they are small. I love Mini Coopers. I'd also take an old beetle. Really, if it is adorable and small and described as a fun ride, I'd probably like it.

If you know anyone who is selling a car, let me know.

Also, Mom, I do not want your Saturn.

Don't get too excited, but...

I grew these!

There is still plenty of time to kill the little buggers yet, but it's a good sign that they grew at all. That's more than I can say for attempts zero and negative one which were such failures I couldn't even assign them positive numbers.

This is an extremely inaccurate chart. First, I made up the data. Well, I didn't make up the data as much as I made up the fact that I was diligently checking the growth over a set number of days. I checked it one random day and it was the height of my pinky finger. The next time I checked it was as large as my thumb (later that afternoon, perhaps?). Some other day in the near future it was as tall as my middle finger and today it is as high as my wrist bone. I can't be sure if my first check was 4 days ago or more or less but it was certainly faster than expected. If I was in 2nd grade math I would probably fail. Or maybe just my parents would get a letter sent home informing them that not only am I making up research, but also that I don't know how to use a ruler. I can imagine my parents reading that letter, shaking their heads and setting me up at the kitchen table with a ruler and various objects to measure as practice. And I'd probably get a lecture on not making up research. I have to wonder, is making up stuff worse than plagiarizing?

Along the subject of elementary school math, I was terrible at my times tables. Also counting money. And time. How I survive life now I have no idea.

Drug Free in 2003

When driving back from Duxbury after this awesome day at the beach, I saw a sign for DRUG FREE ZONE. I was a little confused, because I thought the entire United States was a drug free zone. Granted, I know prescription drugs are allowed (real ones, not San Fran brownies, Brooke), but I am pretty sure that sign wasn't talking about a Zoloft and Ambien free zone. Ollie and her sister were watching that showtime series Weed on demand, and the episode was on was when this townsperson (who is played by the women who is in the movie Big, but she didn't look like she was that old now, so maybe I am wrong) put up a sign to declare a certain area of the city drug free and I had to question that, too. If anything, it is a little braggy. It's like the town is saying "Lookee here, we can stop the drug dealers and addicts with our shmancy signs. See if any druggies try to do drugs in this stretch of 20 yards. We've shown them."

I think having signs that say DRUG FREE ZONE actually make it more likely that people will start doing drugs once they are outside the zone. Also, the sign wasn't very specific. It didn't say how large the zone was. I mean, is it like a school zone? Is there a certain area that is being designated drug free, or is it just a reminder in general? (I see it playing out like this:"No, no, don't do drugs there. That's a drug free zone! You'll get in trouble. Come over here, where the yellow curb ends. Now we can do drugs.")

Also, I was under the impression that drugs were illegal (isn't that what I learned in D.A.R.E.?). If we are posting signs that say DRUG FREE ZONE do we also need to add in signs for THEFT FREE ZONE or MURDER FREE ZONE, just in case people forget what is illegal?

I mean, I could be totally off base here. I realize, signs aren't the end-all, be-all of truth and what's right. Obviously, if you see a sign for a duck crossing that isn't the only place you will see a duck cross a road. Ducks can't read signs. They will cross the road wherever they feel like it so you shouldn't assume that you should only be cautious of ducks crossing the road where the sign is. Granted, if a duck crossed the road not at the sign, I am not sure if you can really get in trouble if you hit one, because how on earth did you know there could be a duck there? It goes both ways, I guess.

Sort of speaking of, when I was younger crosswalks always confused me. They would have the WALK signal and the DONT WALK signal, but the WALK would never be on for long enough to get across the street. Thus, when DONT WALK flickered on my two instincts would be to (a) Run or (b) Stop. Fortunately I was bright enough to run and not stop in the middle of the road, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else made that mistake. What I mean is, signs are confusing sometimes, even if to most people they seem straightforward.

I also used to think that the saying "Don't rain on my parade" was "Don't reign on my parade." In my head, these mean the same thing to this day. I imagine someone else dressed up as the Queen pretending to be in charge of my parade. It's my parade, goddammit. Don't ruin it for me by taking the best float that has the castle with the tower and the handsome prince in shining armor and leave me to ride on the float that isn't even a float but the back of someone's pick up truck. Gosh, don't reign on my parade you backstabbing stupidiot. It's my parade, not yours. I get the best float.

I guess I was just a confused kid in general, so maybe that explains why I don't get why these signs for drug free zones are popping up like daisies. Maybe to everyone else it is obvious. Thoughts?

Do you like molecular biology and winning stuff?

The one good thing about riding the bus is that is gives me plenty of time to think. Today I was thinking about how technology is evil. (No, I am not going to swear of electricity.) Mainly, the internet (Yes, I know I am using it now. I am aware of the fact I am a hypocrite). Sure, the internet is really great in the sense that you can find anything you need anytime you want and probably get it the next day. Some people might say that is a good thing, and sure, when you first find out you can order your Thai food online and avoid the language barrier you are like "Cool!" But if you think about it, it is really not cool at all. Here's why:

I am a true believer that the internet has made us less social as people. Sometimes in our apartment we would all have our laptops and be sitting on our couches, totally doing our own thing. This is okay because sometimes you just need to get stuff done online. If an outsider was looking in on us, though, I think s/he would be really sad. I mean, here are 4 interesting (okay 3, because the time I am referring to is when there were only 3 of us who were interesting) girls not talking to each other and more involved with a contraption that's basically a robot than each other. (Sometimes I joke that my work thinks I can only communicate with robots. Although it is fun to make fun of myself talking to robots all day in order to get my job done, it is a really sad thought that that is sort of my life).

Furthermore, we abuse our internet priviliges when we prefer to do things online than over the phone or even in person. Before the internet, people actually talked to other people. Now we IM and gchat (I like to call it google-talk but my roommate told me that is wrong and then I think she laughed at me on the inside. I usually try to hide the fact I am a loser and not really in-the-know but sometimes it slips out accidentally) and email and pay our bills and shop online etc. I got a text message once from Verizon telling me I should add IN texting because I text a lot of people every month. I looked at my statement, and for once appreciated Verizon for being so courteous and not trying to screw me over. So, I immediately went online, opened up my account and tried to set it up. A red notice popped up saying I am supposed to call Customer Service to add things to my cell phone package. Immediately and without warning, I became unreasonably agitated. I hated Verizon for making me pick up my phone and call them to do something that could have easily been done online. God forbid they make me actually talk to a real person. I then realized I was being ridiculous and that it is all because the internet has made me an idiot an unable to socialize. Maybe the people at work were right.

Every day when I ride the bus I see these advertisements for Windorphins. I actually find myself chanting Windorphins so that I will remember to look up the website when I get to work. I always forget, except for Saturday when bizarrely I wasn't even on the bus and I remembered and made my roommate look it up because she was at her computer and mine was way upstairs. I was so excited to find out what this Windorphins site was and ended up being sorely disappointed. It's some sort of a portal for eBay. I guess windorphins are what you call the things that are produced inside your body when you win something. And what is an easier way to boost your windorphins than when bidding on things (and winning them) on eBay? I thought the whole concept was ridiculous and I was right. What was even more telling though, is that eBay figured out this new marketing campaign for their online bidding site because they knew people were probably getting bored of the instant gratification that was occuring on eBay everyday. I mean sure, it is so exciting to find "It" but after you find seven "Its" without batting an eyelash, you get bored and you expect to find "It." Ebay knows that we are spoiled and don't even get excited about winning. EBay knows the internet is evil, but eBay is capitalizing on the fact we are spoiled little brats.

The truth is, though, once upon a time it was considered a novelty to be able to do things instantaneously. I bet instant win scratch tickets used to be really exciting. Now you would probably go to a 7/11 and win $200 and say "I guess that's cool." I can order a pizza online. I can get Amazon to ship me a book I feel like reading tomorrow because I am too lazy to walk across the street from work and buy it at Borders for the same price and it doesn't even affect me. (Books are really heavy, you know? Sometimes I don't want to lug it from the bus stop to my apartment.) I feel entitled to these services that are just so handy.

If someone had told me 10 years ago that now I would be able to order a pizza while gchatting with seven of my friends simultaneously and also shopping for shoes, that would have blown my mind. Now, I am like, "yeah, so what?" I am more upset if someone tells me I can't do that. The horror if the internet is down for a day-- how am I to find the information I need or look up Miss Piggy aerobic album covers?

So now, all because of the internet, I am spoiled. I want what I want and I want it now. The bus was late today, and I had a fleeting thought of "why didn't the bus website call me and tell me the bus was going to be late?" and then immediately thereafter realized that was ridiculous, although not far off from the imminent future- I mean, Orbitz does it for flights, am I right?

Now that I know the internet is evil and makes me stupid and spoiled, I am going to have to start anti-internet rallies. Who cares if the internet holds all sorts of useful information that you can access quickly and easily? It is a corrupting body and we should get rid of it. Instead, we should start to put our money towards innovations like cupholders on public buses (Today I was holding my cup and trying to flip the Metro pages while simultaneously changing the song on my iPod and I couldn't do it all. If I had a cupholder I would have been golden) and something that makes office buildings feel less like refrigerators.

Nextel cell phones are really walkie-talkies

ON THE BUS, Yesterday- Just months after Nextel and Sprint's merge to become the New Sprint, a bumblebee colored cellular service provider, Nextel's long-kept secret was revealed: their cell phones are really walkie talkies.

"When we decided to form a union with Nextel, we had no idea the skeletons they had in their closet," said the CEO of the New Sprint at a press conference Monday. "After an investigation into said closet, we found the rumors to be true. Nextel cell phones really are walkie-talkies."

According to top secret sources who go by Fung Wah and Lucky Star, the employees at the Nextel factory in Beijing (or what they refer to as the Toy Factory) are encouraged to use their creativity when decorating children's play walkie-talkies to look like cell phones.

"We get the walkie talkies shipped in from Tawain, and then we are allowed to go to town. We can spray paint them in metallic colors, hot glue shiny things we found on the streets to use for buttons- anything to make the walkie-talkies look like cell phones is permitted, " reported Mr. Wah.

According to Ms. Star, the phones had no actual functionality as real cell phones. "Americans don't care how their phones work. They always talk about 'dropped calls' and 'no bars.' Cell phones not working is to be expected. We make that expectation a reality."

The number keys on these alleged phones worked to dial calls (or rather "change channels"), but text messaging was out. "When people complained they couldn't get the letters to spell out words, we blamed it on their lack of experience with the T9 function," said one Customer Service Representative. (To call customer service, Nextel users just had to switch their phones to the conveniant channel 9. Customer Service was available 24 hours a day, provided you were within a half mile radius.)

Once the "phones" arrive in the US, Nextel sales staff are trained in how to convince their consumers that they want the walkie-talkie service on their cell phone. "This isn't too hard," said one former Nextel sales rep who got canned after the merge, "All you have to do is remind the person about their best friend who used to live across the street and how they used tin cans tied with string to communicate. Their eyes get weepy and then they are sold on the walkie-talkie feature. Even our crappiest phone works better than a tin can."

The whole Nextel scandal was revealed one day when a Nextel customer dropped her "phone" on the bus going from Cambridge to Somerville. She had been happily beeping her way through a delightful conversation that everyone on the bus was privy to, when the vehicle hit a bump and her "phone" went flying. It landed on the foot of a cell phone connosseuir, Mr Dwight Sharp. One if its hastily stuck-on keys (the second 7) had broken off and it was the phone's shoddy craftmanship that caused Mr. Sharp to investigate further.

After pressing what he thought to be the volume on the side, the "phone" emitted a loud squeal that sounded like a cross between a goose and a baby gurgling. Then a voice came through the static. Although he couldn't decipher a word the person on the other side was saying he immediately recognized the device to be a walkie-talkie. As he handed it back to the woman who had dropped it, he suggested she "look into that."

She certainly did. As soon as she was within range of the Nextel Customer Service office, the duped women gave them an earful and threatened to sue in between blips and beeps of the phone/walkie talkie. Several other Nextel customers were rallied as well as many former Nextel employees who were disgruntled because their severence package after the merge was sub par. Shit certainly hit the fan when the suit went to Court, and even Chief Nextel officials couldn't sweet talk their way out of the walkie-talkie debacle.

The New Sprint has had minimal comments regarding the whole situation. Since they like their "new snazzy colors" they are afraid to drop the Nextel brand entirely, but selling walkie-talkies certainly isn't something they plan on continuing.

The general public, to be frank, was relieved. Most are fed up with the cell phones that acted like walkie-talkies anyway. "It was a trend that lasted far too long," comented one commuter. "I mean, why would we want our cell phones to work the way walkie-talkies do anyway? It was fun to have those as kids, but it seems silly to be saying 'Roger that' and 'Do you copy?' during my business conference calls."

Several others agreed that the walkie talkie phone was on its way out regardless of the scandal. Having to listen to other people shout into phones/walkie talkies almost caused one woman to have a conniption. In fact, a team of research scientists are currently working on a project that finds a correlation between walkie-talking bleeps on the way to work and the elusive case of the Mondays.

Bored is the new blog

I was perusing craigslist's free section (I am not sure why I bother because I have never actually gone to pick up any of the free things that these people leave on the sides of their roads. Normally they are time sensitive ads and since I am at work there is no way I'd make it in time to pick up that baby grand piano that is missing a few keys, severely out of tune, and lacking legs). But seriously, this one takes the cake.

Free empty soda bottles and cans. Because the $2 I am going to earn by redeeming these is so worth my time and energy to go pick them up. I know some people (those less fortunate) go around and pick through trash looking for empty cans/bottles to bring to the grocery store to get some easy cash. However, these people most likely do not have internet access. No need to post your empty bottles on craigslist, people. That is just a waste of our time. Oh yeah, there was a photo too:


And in case you were in the market for air conditioners, these are so the ones I'd snag. Man, if you want to get rid of these ACs, I'd suggest leaving the photos out of the ad.

(The ad was classic, too. It made no guarentees that they actually worked. "Five years ago when I bought these they worked. Since then they've been sitting in the garage collecting rust.")

I like pretty things

Sorry to get all girly on this blog, but as of late I have become obsessed with pretty things- especially jewelry. I think it might be partly due to the fact that I went to that art/craft fair in Davis two weekends ago and Newburyport this past weekend. There are just so many pretty things around! The posts below log what I have been dreaming about. Enjoy.

Kathy Bransfield

LJ and I went to Newburyport this past weekend and visited a lot of really cute shops. One such store had this great reusable lunch bag that I want (it was green AND it had strawberries on it! How perfect. At $18 for the bag, the price was not.) Anyway, that's not what this is about. While there, I also saw these great pendants by Kathy Bransfield. Since I love stars, these two designs are totally up my alley.

(A special note just to LJ: She also has a few charms that include text in brail! Thought you'd like that. I think one says "Love is blind." That might be too cheesey for you and your "I hate hearts" attitude, but I thought you'd appreciate it anyway.)

Pagliei Collection

Ages ago my roommate LJ was obsessed with these Pagliei dumpling charms. We were both thinking about them the other night, wishing we had Peirogi and Ravioli pendants to wear. These are the sort of trinkets that make me long for a charm bracelet. Who am I kidding- I don't need a charm bracelet to enjoy these dumplings. Tortellini looks great on a necklace.

I also love their new Waxing Poetic line. (I always loved sealing wax.) Currently I am looking for a pen pal so I can make use of the silver wax I just found in my room while cleaning. Don't tell my landlord though. She doesn't allow us to use candles, so I am sure lighting a bar of wax on fire to drip onto envelopes is also off limits. (Obviously I picked this particular image because it is a J. It's all about me.)

Twigs and Heather

These cute designs by Twigs and Heather make me feel at one with nature. Once upon a time I really did used to like the great outdoors. Since I am a city girl now, I will have to settle on wearing one of these twigs around my neck and pretend to be camping in the wilderness.

Nancy Dobbs Owen

How pretty are these rings by Nancy Dobbs Owen? I saw these when I was in San Fran last summer at a store called Ooma. Of course, me being me, looked at them at the time and said to my roommate, Liz: "I can make these myself." It's been a year... have I made my own versions of these? Nope. I guess I will just have to use this as inspiration to get crafty. Maybe a year from now you will see me sporting my own beaded rings.