My new roommate Brooke and I were having a very philosophical discussion the other day about our number one favorite subject- our height, or rather our lack thereof (Brooke is also freakishly short like me, although supposedly she is a little taller, but marginally so). We swapped life stories that were surprisingly similar, and thus this post was born. I realized since I had a lot of common misconceptions about people who are taller than me, you taller than me people might have some misconceptions about me. This should clear things up for you.
I'm short, and I like it.
Okay, so I like to complain about my height when I can't find the perfect pair of jeans (they don't exist) or when the world seems to be made for average/tall people. But, despite the fact that bartenders might not notice me right away as I peer over the top of the bar hoping for a beer, I have to admit, being short is better than being average. Here's why: I get to be adorable. I am not the prettiest girl in the world, but I always win on cuteness when in a crowd of people who are taller than me. Plus, I am not so painfully short it is awkward, I am like, stick me in your back pocket goddamn adorable. Once when I used to be a field hockey star one of my co-players said, "you are like a christmas cookie." I am not sure what that means exactly, but I think it means I am like a gingerbread girl, which I take as compliment. I mean, if people are going to be throwing around nicknames and metaphors, I'd certainly rather Little Bite-sized Jenn than Tall Freak of a Giraffe Girl. Yeah that's right, I said it.
I want you to help me reach things off of high shelves.
Sometimes when I am climbing up the shelves in the grocery store trying to get that last box of corn muffin mix, I am secretly hoping that some tall person will help me. Just because I seem like an independent person because I have single handedly constructed a ladder out of canned tomatoes and coffee tins doesn't mean I don't need your help. Also, sometimes it doesn't even occur to me that there is someone out there who can help me. I think it was sophomore year of college when I realized that most people could easily reach the top of the wardrobe. Liz, if I recall, used to store items up there, snacks even. If I needed anything from the top of the wardrobe I would have to stand on my desk on my tippy toes to reach. The day I saw Liz casually reach up to grab a box of cereal without even exerting the slightest bit of energy, I was flabbergasted. I realized then and there that Liz could help me and have since been using her to reach tall things for me. I also use my sister Stacey for this same purpose. She is only 4 inches taller than me but she has monkey arms. Seriously.
I have no idea how tall you are.
Everyone taller than me is considered average. Even if you are only 5'2". If you are 5'2" and you are complaining to me about being short, then you need to remember I am 4 inches shorter. The only time you are not considered average in my brain is if you are freakishly tall. Then you are freakishly tall.
Since I am short, I deserve the size small t-shirt.
Remember how in school sometimes for field day or sports teams you got free t-shirts to wear? Well, guess who always got stuck with the ridiculously oversized ones? That would be me. After years and years of suffering with giant shirts, now the least you could do is offer me the small free t-shirt. My The Best Girls Root For Boston t-shirt was earned for free in a bar, and the promotional guy who was handing them out originally gave me a size large and then looked at me and said, "Oh no, hold on" and dug around for a small. We became instant best friends after that. That's all it takes to win my heart. It is my number 1 pet peeve when girls who are 5'10" take the size smalls because their supermodel bodies require them. No girls, you don't need a small as much as me. I might not be as skinny as you, but a size large on me is far more ridiculous than on you. I could add a belt to a size large and call it a dress and no one would be the wiser.
If you are average, I hope this cleared things up for you. I will try as well to be considerate of the fact that you are average as long as you help me reach high things and promise to trade shirts if I get stuck with a large.
1 comment:
Stacey also has finger toes. That has nothing to do with anything, but monkey arms, finger toes -- they just seem to fit together, so it seemed worth mentioning.
(Sidenote: I tend to partially read posts and respond. Don't be shocked if you get like 2-3 comments from me all about the same post. I'm gonna go back and finish now.)
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