Two posts in one night? Lucky you.

My latest fake news story. I think I have found my calling. This one goes out to LJ, because she will appreciate it the most.

The alleged "Newspaper Stand Kicker-Over-er" caught, trial held the Monday after next

Cambridge, MA- As of 3:43 AM Tuesday morning, the culprit behind the recent malicious attacks against newspaper stands has been apprehended. The Cambridge policeperson who caught the inebriated perpetrator is pretty sure that he witnessed a potential act of violence against a local newspaper stand.

"I got there just in the nick of time," stated the officer. "I was patrolling the streets of Cambridge when all of a sudden I heard a large commotion. I quickly ran to the scene of the noise, and there was a man, sprawled on the ground." According to the intoxicated fellow, he was trying to "drunk dial" a friend while simultaneously "knock that low-life, piece-of-shit newspaper stand on its ass." Unfortunately for him, he missed the newspaper stand by a good three-quarters of a foot and hit a nearby garbage receptacle instead, causing himself and the trash bucket to tumble to the ground. It was this sound of metal on pavement that caused the nearby officer to investigate.

The officer was able to get a statement from the person with whom the alleged criminal was on the phone. "He said he wanted to smack the newspaper stand silly and then there was a loud crash. This isn't the first time he has called me while in this state," the phone witness reported.

Mrs. Meowington, a local street cat was another witness to the potential crime after being thrown awake, literally, when her garbage can home was flipped on its side. After taking her statement via tape recorder, the police officer on duty took the cassette to the local Cat interpreter and it was transcribed as follows. "When I landed, all I saw was a homeless man passed out on the pavement. Then I finished off a half empty can of tuna."

Even though the man caught attempting to kick over the newspaper stand basically admitted to the crime when questioned by the police officer on the scene, many aren't sure the confession will hold up in court. First, he was under the influence, which basically means he was speaking in gibberish, in legalese. Since gibberish isn't an official language of anywhere, it can't be used in a court of law. Also, there was no record that he ever received his Miranda rights from the police officer (who, according to Mrs. Meowington, only asked in a concerned voice "What happened?" right before the man confessed).

It is still too early to tell what verdict the jury will find. The citizens of Cambridge can only hope it will be a guilty one, because as all literate people know, it is important to respect the local newspaper stands; violence upon them just shall not be tolerated in the state of Massachusetts.

For those of you who are new to fake news, go to www.theonion.com